Things I Believed Until I Didn't - I Thought Being Strong Meant Doing It All Myself

I used to carry every grocery bag from the car in one trip.

You know the move—adjusting five paper bags or looping ten plastic bags over each arm, biting down on one strap, nudging the door open with your hip, and pretending you don’t see the neighbors watching like it’s a performance art piece.

I refused to make a second trip.Why? Because I could do it myself. And honestly, that one ridiculous habit summed up how I approached life.

I didn’t ask for help.I didn’t lean.I didn’t trust that anyone else would come through—so I just carried it all. Proud of myself for being able to do it.

People teased me about it. They’d say I was a control freak (lovingly). Or joke that I didn’t how to delegate—I just reassigned things to myself.

But it wasn’t about control. Not really. It was about not wanting to be let down.

Growing up in an abusive home, I learned the hard way that trusting people usually ended in disappointment—or danger. So I stopped expecting support from anyone. So unfortunately that's what I believed. Trusting others was dangerous. Depending on anyone felt like gambling with my safety.

So I carried my own bags, carried my own weight and never asked anyone for help.

And I got good at it. But I also got tired. And to be honest, it was a little lonely.

Then—I met Jim. And no, I didn’t suddenly drop every bag and leap into his arms like a rom-com.

It didn’t happen right away. At first, I still insisted on doing everything myself. I think he just learned to watch and maybe open a door if he could get there fast enough.

But little by little, I learned I could hand him things.Literal things. Emotional things.And when I did—he didn’t run. He didn’t drop them.He just helped.

That’s when I realized: Real strength isn’t about doing everything alone. It's about knowing when to say, “Can you carry this with me?”

These days, I still carry a lot. But I don’t carry it all. And I’m no less strong because of that. I’m just less exhausted.

If you're still holding it all by yourself—this is for you:

You don’t have to.

You’re allowed to set something down. Or hand it to someone else. Or share the weight of whatever it is you are carrying. You are allowed to trust someone. You’re allowed to be strong and supported.

Especially if you’ve spent your whole life learning not to be.

If you're tired of carrying everything on your own—and ready to explore what life could look like with a little more support—I’d love to help.

You can learn more about coaching with me here on my website or reach out if you’re curious but not sure where to start.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. And you don’t have to keep holding it all.Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is let someone help.

Much love to all,

Ruthie 🩶