Things I Believed Until I Didn't - Learning To Say No Won't Ruin Everything

It's ok to say no!

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Learning to say no.

It didn’t destroy me. It saved my sanity.

When I first started my career, I thought there were two kinds of employees:

1. The kind who said yes.

2. The kind who didn’t last long.

So I said yes to everything.

“Can you take this on?” Yes.“Do you have time for a quick favor?” Definitely.“Could you stay late?” Of course.“Work the weekend?” No problem.

I was a human sticky note for other people’s to-do lists.

It didn’t matter if I was drowning in work. I’d smile, nod, add it to the pile, and figure it out. Later. In the dark. With snacks. And a glass of wine.

(Side note: that glass of wine? It wasn’t about enjoying a nice Pinot. It was about recovering from a day of yes-ing myself into oblivion.)

I truly believed that saying no would make me look lazy or ungrateful—or worse, replaceable (this was my biggest fear.) That my boss would write me off. That I’d be quietly passed over for future opportunities. Maybe even fired.

In my head, one "no" would cancel out all the “yeses.”

And then... I finally hit a wall. Not a big dramatic crash. More like a quiet, exhausted “I just can’t do this anymore.” So when someone asked me to take on one more thing, I said it.

“No, I don’t have the time.” And then I held my breath.

I waited for the pushback, the disappointment, the career-ending consequences.

You know what happened?

My boss blinked exactly zero times and said, “Totally understand.”

That was it. The next week, he asked me to work on something else—something important.

It was like my brain glitched. You mean… I can say no and still be trusted? I can set a boundary and still be respected? I can not burn myself out and still be seen as valuable?

Well, this was new.

It turns out that saying yes to everything had helped me learn a lot—but saying no when I needed to? That’s what helped me stay sane.

These days, I still say yes. But only when I actually mean it. Only when I have the capacity to follow through without losing myself in the process.

And I no longer end every day with a glass of wine just to decompress. Sometimes I go for a walk instead. Sometimes barefoot. Sometimes with my cat. (Okay—not really. Neither of them would go for that. They has boundaries.

So here’s what I’ve learned—and what I hope you take from this:

• Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s honest.

• Boundaries don’t make you unreliable. They make you sustainable.

• Your value doesn’t depend on your availability.

• You don’t need to bleed yourself dry to be seen.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say isn’t “yes.”It’s “not this time.”

And if you're someone who’s still afraid to say no—afraid you’ll disappoint or miss out or be left behind—I get it. Truly, I do.

But I promise you: the world doesn’t fall apart when you set a boundary.Sometimes, it actually starts to make sense.

🟡 Want to talk more about how to stop saying yes when you mean no?

I work with women who are ready to stop running on autopilot and start living from truth instead of obligation. You can learn more right here on my site or send me a message if you’re wondering whether life coaching is the right fit.

Let’s stop proving ourselves and start protecting ourselves. One sacred no at a time.

With much love,

Ruthie🩶